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家庭问题与冲突:变污秽为芬芳

发布时间:2017-08-25 16:45:32 来源:ishayoga 所属分类:心灵花园

文章转自:ishayoga公众号

Questioner: When there is conflict and discord in the immediate family – with one’s parents or siblings for example – irrespective of what the reasons may be, how does one arrive at some harmony?

问:和直系亲属之间有了冲突不和——比如,和自己的父母或者兄弟姐妹之间——且不管原因可能是什么,一个人要如何才能解决这些矛盾,实现家庭和谐呢?


Sadhguru: Since you said parents and siblings, you have one excuse – you did not choose these people. If it was about husband and wife, there was a choice – you could not blame it on someone else!

萨古鲁:既然你说的是父母和兄弟姐妹,你就有了一个借口——这些人不是你选择的。如果是夫妻之间,那是自己选择的——你就不能把这怪到别人头上去!


Family is a good training ground for you to know your limitations.

庭是个让你了解自己局限的很好的训练场。


Family is a good training ground for you to know your limitations. You are cocooned with a certain number of people – which means every day, whatever you do, you have to step on each other’s toes. There are things they do that you hate, but still you have to be with them. It isn’t like your Facebook family of 10,000 – if there is someone you don’t like, you click him out.

家庭是个让你了解自己局限的很好的训练场。你和一些特定数量的人像被茧一样包裹缠绕在一起——这意味着每一天,不管你做什么,你都不得不踩到另一个人的脚。这些人做一些你讨厌的事,但是你仍然不得不和他们在一起。这种家人不像你有10,000个成员的Facebook大家庭——你不喜欢谁就可以把谁踢出去。


Family is a beautiful place for you to grow beyond your likes and dislikes. Your likes and dislikes are the basis of compulsiveness within you. When you are stuck up with likes and dislikes, consciousness is out of question. The moment you like or dislike something, you naturally behave compulsively – favorably compulsively to what you like, in a reactive way compulsively to what you do not like.

家庭是一个美好的地方,在这里你可以超越自己的好恶而成长。你的好恶是你内在强迫性的基础。当你被你的好恶所摆布,就不可能有觉知。你喜欢或者不喜欢某物的那一刻,你自然就会强迫性地行事——对你喜欢的你强迫性地偏向它,对你不喜欢的你强迫性地反抗它。


Becoming conscious

变得有觉知

Family is a cocoon where whether you like it or not, you have to be with these people for a certain period of time. Either you make this a bitter experience, or you learn to transcend your likes and dislikes. Let’s say there are certain aspects about your husband that you hate. If after some time, you say, “He’s like that – it’s okay,” he has not changed, but you transcended your dislike for a particular type of behavior or whatever else it was that bothered you about him. If you become bitter or you resign, in the sense of “There is no other way – I have to put up with them,” all the pain and struggle of being with people will be wasted. But if you say, “Yes, this is how they are, but it is okay with me. Let me go on with these people joyfully,” you consciously transcend.

家庭是一个茧,在这里,不管你喜欢与否,你都必须和这些人待在一起一段特定的时间。你要么就把这变成一段苦涩的经历,要么就学着去超越你的好恶。假如,你讨厌你丈夫的一些方面,如果一段时间后,你说“他就是那样——没关系的”,他没有改变,但是你超越了你对他的某种行为或者其他让你不舒服的东西的厌恶。如果你觉得痛苦,或者你放弃,觉得“没有别的办法——我只能忍受他”,那么与这个人在一起经历的所有痛苦和挣扎就都被浪费掉了。但是如果你说,“是的,这就是他们存在的样子,但是我都接受。让我喜悦地和这些人在一起吧。”你就有觉知地超越了好恶。


If you say, “Yes, this is how they are, but it is okay with me. Let me go on with these people joyfully,” you consciously transcend.

如果你说,“是的,这就是他们存在的样子,但是我都接受。让我喜悦地和这些人在一起吧。”你就有觉知地超越了好恶。


When you transcend your likes and dislikes, unknowingly, you become conscious. Unknowingly, you turn spiritual, which is the best way to turn spiritual. Not by saying, “I am going to take a spiritual path” but because as a life, you became conscious enough to transcend your limitations, likes and dislikes and you turned spiritual, without attaching the word “spiritual” to it. The best way to become spiritual is to consciously evolve to a point where you are not compulsorily reactive anymore. Family is a good place for you to train yourself towards that. You are not trapped in this forever. Whatever kind of family you live in, it is only for a certain period of time. You must use this period of time to transcend your likes and dislikes.

当你超越了自己的好恶,不知不觉间,你变得有觉知了。不知不觉间,你走上了灵性的道路——这是走上灵性道路的最好方法。不要通过说,“我要走灵性修行的道路”,而是因为作为一个生命,你变得足够有觉知去超越自己的局限和好恶,从而开始了灵性修行,而没有给它贴上“灵性修行”的标签。走上修行道路的最佳方式,是有觉知地让自己进化到不再强迫性地做出反应。家庭是个好地方,在这里你可以训练自己朝向这点。你并不会永远被困在这里。不管你身处怎样的家庭,都只会在这里停留一段特定的时间而已。你必须使用这段时间,来超越你的好恶。


If people around you do not agree with you, you are in a very good place. I always tell people in the ashram, “Choose someone that you cannot stand and learn to work with them, joyfully. It will do wonders to you.” If you choose to be with someone you like, you will become compulsive to be only with those sorts of people. Family is not the problem. Your wanting to be with what you like is the problem. Don’t choose what you like. See how to make what is there wonderful. What comes to you is not your business. What you make out of it is your business.

如果你身边的人跟你意见不合,那么你是处在一个很棒的地方。我总是告诉在静修中心(ashram)的人,“选择那些你无法忍受的人,学着愉快地和他们一起工作。这会在你身上发生奇迹。”如果选择和你喜欢的人在一起,你会强迫性地只和这类人在一起。家庭不是个问题。你想和你喜欢的在一起,才是个问题。不要选择你所喜欢的。看看如何把你不喜欢的变得精彩。你遇到什么,并不关你什么事。你能从中做出什么,才是你的事。


If people around you do not agree with you, you are in a very good place.

如果你身边的人跟你意见不合,那么你是处在一个很棒的地方。


People say things like, “Oh, it’s a gorgeous day” or “It’s a bad day,” depending on the weather. Just because there are clouds, it is not a bad day. Leave the weather to nature. One day sun, another day clouds; one day rain, another day snow – it’s all right. If it’s sunny, you go bare-chested; if it’s raining, you go with a raincoat; if it’s snowing, you go with a snowboard. No matter what, it is up to you to make it a good day.

根据天气变化,人们说这样的话,“啊,今天真好”或者“今天真糟”。只是因为天上有乌云,就不是糟糕的一天。把天气的事情留给大自然去管吧。晴天,阴天,雨天,下雪天——都没关系。如果阳光灿烂,你可以打赤膊出门;如果阴雨绵绵,你就穿雨衣出门;如果大雪纷飞,你就踩着滑雪板出门。不管天气如何,你都可以把它变成美好的一天。


Similarly, do not bother about who is sitting around you right now. You make this a wonderful process of sitting with this person. This does not mean you have to sit with them forever. Everyone comes and goes. Either they come and go, or you come and go. Whoever is here, whatever is here – make the best out of it for now. If you have other choices, you can change, but the important thing is that you joyfully change. It should happen out of conscious choice, not out of compulsion, that because you cannot be here, you have to jump somewhere else. If you leave in such a state, wherever you go, you will be the same. If you do not know how to make it here, you do not know how to make it anywhere.

同样地,不要因为现在坐在你旁边的人而烦恼。把和这个人坐在一起,变成一个美妙的过程。这并不意味着你要和他们一起坐到永远。人来人往,要么是他们来了又走,要么是你来了又走。不管是谁在这里,是什么在这里——现在就把握时机。如果你有别的选择,你可以做出改变,但是重要的是你要快乐地改变。它应当是出于有觉知的选择,而不是出于强迫性,因为无法在这里,你就不得不跳到别的地方去。如果你在这样一种状态中离开的话,不管你去到哪里,你都是老样子。如果你不知道如何在这个地方做到,你就不知道如何在任何别的地方做到。


Measuring results

衡量结果

And how will you know whether this whole spiritual process is working or not? Only by results. If with the same people, you can wake up a little more joyful, you are a little more at ease, they do not irritate you anymore as they used to do – that means you are progressing. Everywhere, progress is measured by results – here too.

那么你如何知道这整个修行过程是否在起作用呢?只能通过看结果。如果和同样的人在一起,你能在醒来时更喜悦一点,更自在一点,他们不再像过去那样让你烦恼——那就意味着你在进步。每个地方的进步都是通过结果来衡量——在这里也是。


It happened one day – there was a queue at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter was checking everyone’s accounts before admitting them. There was an Italian taxi driver from Vegas in a shiny polka dot shirt and aviator glasses, cigarette dangling. Right behind him was a bishop. He looked at the man in distaste, “Why is he even in this line to heaven, first of all?” But you know, strange are the ways of God. When the taxi driver’s time came, he said, resigned to his fate, “Okay, wherever you send me… What’s the problem.” As a taxi driver, he is used to that –wherever the customer wants to go, he goes; he does not choose his destination. All his accounts were checked. Then Peter welcomed him with a big smile and gave him a nice silken robe. Two very pretty angels came and took him into heaven.

有一天,在天堂大门口排着一条队伍。圣彼得在查看每个人的纪录,然后才放他们进去。有个来自拉斯维加斯的意大利出租车司机,他穿着闪亮的波点衬衫,戴着飞行员眼镜,叼着一支烟。在他后面,是个大主教。主教嫌恶地看着司机,“怎么连他也排在进天堂的队伍里?”但是你知道的,上帝总是做出奇特的事情。轮到出租车司机了,他是很认命的,他说,“不管你们把我送去哪里……那有什么问题”。作为一个出租车司机,他习惯了这样——客人想去哪里,他就开去哪里;他不选择自己的目的地。查完了他所有的纪录,彼得给了他一个大大的微笑和一件漂亮的丝绸袍子。两个美丽的天使过来领他进了天堂。


If with the same people, you can wake up a little more joyful, you are a little more at ease, they do not irritate you anymore as they used to do – that means you are progressing.

如果和同样的人在一起,你能在醒来时更喜悦一点,更自在一点,他们不再像过去那样让你烦恼——那就意味着你在进步。


The bishop was looking at this in amazement. When his turn came, they looked at his books, welcomed him, gave him workman’s overalls and a mopping stick, and said, “You go and clean corridor No. 127.” The bishop was distraught, “What is this? That Italian taxi driver comes from Sin City – I don’t even want to utter the name – where he must have driven all kinds of people – and you gave him silken robes and angels, and he went to heaven. Me, I am a bishop – I’ve been in the service of God. And for me – workman’s overalls, mopping stick and corridor 127 – I know how long it is. Why?” Peter looked at him and said, “Please listen. This is not like church – this is heaven. Here, we go by results. When you gave your sermons, people generally slept. But when that guy drove his taxi, everyone said, ‘Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!’”

大主教惊诧地看着这一幕。轮到他了,他们看着他的纪录,欢迎了他,交给他一件工装服和一只拖把,说:“你去打扫127号走廊。”大主教心急如焚:“这是怎么回事?那个意大利司机从罪恶之城来——我甚至都不想说出那个城市的名字——在那里他载着形形色色的人——你们派给他丝绸袍子和天使,他进了天堂。我呢,我是个大主教——我一直在为上帝服务。你们给我的——工装服,拖把,和127号走廊——我知道这走廊有多长。为什么这样对我?”彼得看着他,说道:“请听我说。这里不是教堂——这是天堂。在这里,我们都是看结果办事。你给人们布道的时候人们通常都在打瞌睡。但是那个家伙开着出租车的时候,每个人都在说“噢我的上帝啊!噢我的上帝啊!噢我的上帝啊!”


You must also go by results. To know whether your spiritual process is working or not, just see, whatever the outside situation, are you in conflict within yourself or not? If there is conflict within you, you need to work. You have not been physically beaten up. All they do is say things. Whatever they know best, they do. What you know best, you must do. If you know best, you will keep yourself well. If you keep yourself well, you may transform them too, but I would not go that far with you right now. It does not matter if someone is shouting at you or abusing you. If you want, you can write a new dictionary for yourself. You can translate all the abuses into nice, sweet things. In any case, you must know they are doing their best. Unfortunately, their best may be garbage – what to do. You can only have sympathy for such people.

你也一定要通过结果来衡量。要知道你的修行是否在起作用,只要看,不论外在环境如何,你的内在是否起了冲突?如果你内在有冲突,你需要努力。你还没被实实在在地打击过。他们知道什么最好,他们就去做。你知道什么最好,你就必须去做。如果你知道得最好,你就能好好地保持自己。如果你把自己保持好了,你也许也能转化他们,但是我现在不跟你说得那么远。别人对你大喊大叫,谩骂伤害你,都没关系。如果你想的话,你可以为自己写一本新字典。你可以把所有的谩骂之词都解释成和善的甜蜜的话语。无论如何,你必须要知道他们也是在尽力而为。不幸的是,他们的尽力而为也许是垃圾——那能怎么样呢。对这样的人,你只能心怀同情。


Filth to fragrance

变肮脏为芬芳

Right now, you have to be there. So many times, not just you – every one of us is trapped with people and situations we definitely do not want to be in. Where we are is never entirely our choice. But what we make out of it is entirely our choice. Exercise it. If you exercise it, the outside will also slowly become a choice. Over a period of time, you will see that naturally, situations will arrange around yourself in a most beautiful way.

现在,你不得不待在那里。不仅仅是你——我们每个人都有很多时候被困在我们完全不想要的人和环境中。我们身处何地,从来不是完全由我们选择。但是我们能把它变成什么样子,则是完全由我们主宰。去实践吧。如果你去实践了,外在环境也会慢慢变成是一种选择。一段时间后,你会发现,自然而然地,你身边的环境会以一种最美好的方式被安排好。


The first thing is you arrange yourself in such a way that you are a beautiful human being. How someone else sees it is their business.

首先,你要整理你自己,让自己成为一个美好的人。别人怎么看待世界,那是别人的事。


My experience of the world is too fantastic. Wherever I go, people are in tears of love and joy. What more do I want? I know that is not the reality for the whole world, but the world arranges itself like that around me. This is because I have taken time to arrange myself in such a way that no matter where I am, I am like this only. Slowly, the world is imitating what I am. You also do this. Do not worry whether the world arranges itself in a certain way or not – it will invariably happen over a period of time. The first thing is you arrange yourself in such a way that you are a beautiful human being. How someone else sees it is their business.

我体验中的世界太美妙。不管我走到哪里,人们都流着爱和喜悦的泪水。我还想要什么呢?我知道并非整个世界都是如此,但是世界就是自己如此在我周围安排着。这是因为我花了时间来整理我自己,让我不管身处何地,我都只是像这个样子。慢慢地,这个世界也在模仿我。你也这样做。不要担忧世界是否会以某种方式来安排它自己——一段时间之后它一定会发生。首先,你要整理你自己,让自己成为一个美好的人。别人怎么看待,那是他们的事。


Right now, they want to walk in the gutter – let them walk for some time, till they get tired of it. Live in such a way that when they look at you, even the gutter people see at some point that it is worth being the way you are. It will not elude them. They are bitter because their experience of life is bitter and unfulfilled, and this bitterness comes out in the form of conflict. Set an example for them that there is a way to live differently. In yoga, one of the most enduring symbols has always been that of a lotus flower, because a lotus flower grows best wherever the slush is thick – the filthier, the better. Such filth transforms into such ethereal beauty and fragrance. This is spiritual process. Getting allergic to slush is not spiritual process. Becoming a part of the slush is not spiritual process. Transforming the slush into fragrance is spiritual process.

现在,他们想在阴沟中行走——那就让他们走上一段时间,直到他们厌倦了那里。用这样一种方式活着,当人们看着你的时候,即便是那身处阴沟的人也会在某个时候发现你存在的方式很值得。他们不会不明白。他们痛苦,是因为他们对生命的体验是苦涩的、不完满的,这种苦涩会以冲突的形式表现出来。为他们树立一个榜样:有一种活得不一样的方式。在瑜伽中,一个最经久不衰的形象总是莲花,因为莲花在污泥最深厚的地方生长得最好——越是肮脏,越是芬芳。如此的污秽转化成了如此超凡的美丽和芬芳。这就是灵性修行。无法忍受肮脏,不是修行。与肮脏同流合污,不是修行。把污秽转化成芬芳,才是修行。


Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁


原文链接:http://isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/family-problems-conf

来源:微信ID:ishayoga

Tags:萨古鲁,婚姻,爱情,家庭
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