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发布时间:2018-11-11 17:28:28 来源:ishayoga公众号 所属分类:心灵花园


Q: Why is it thatlove and marriage often create the maximum conflict between people?


Sadhguru: “Man”and “woman” are physically, kind of opposite. Nature has made us this way sothat the process of reproduction happens and the next generation becomes apossibility. If that was not necessary – if storks were dropping babies fromthe skies – we would not need a man and a woman to work forthe future generations to come. And if there wasn’t a deep sense of compulsionabout the reproductive process, people would not go for it. Every cell in yourbody, including your brain cells, are taken over by hormones and compel andpropel you in that direction. It takes enormous intelligence for a person torise beyond that. Otherwise it looks like this is life – it makes you feel likethat. Till you were 10 or 11 years old, you did not even think about it.Whatever the other people were doing looked funny. But suddenly, this newchemical took over the body and now it is all an absolute reality.


You have been druggedand chemically sabotaged by nature to fulfill its own purpose of reproduction,continuation, and perpetuation of the species. Once this happened,nowsomehow,man and woman are compelled to come together. Or in other words,once this compulsion comes, naturally the mind begins to work in that way as tohow to get the best out of it.


The Give & TakeCalculation


Fundamentally,arelationship is unfortunately happening with an intention to somehow make useof each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. When you are giving andtaking on a daily basis, always one person will feel, “I am giving more, theother person is giving less.”


Only in those momentsof love, can a man and woman really be together. Once thatis not there, it is very difficult.


Societies have alwaystaught you that to be smart is to give less and take more. Whether it is amarketplace or a marriage, it is the same calculation. This is why thereis so much talk about love, so that you transcend this calculation. Whenyou are emotionally overwhelmed by someone, you transcend the calculation. Itbecomes, “What I take is not important, what I give is important.” Therelationship runs beautifully when it is at that level of emotional intensity.Once that emotional intensity drops, it just becomes give-and-take.


You do give-and-take in your business, with yourneighbor, with so many people, but those transactions are limited – butthe give-and-take in a marriage is constant, and you are caged with thisparticular person constantly. So, naturally you feel that in some way, you arebeing used by someone else. Once this comes in, there is conflict, conflict,conflict.


Only in those momentsof love, can a man and woman really be together. Once thatis not there,it is very difficult. The physicality and emotionality of it andother aspects of sharing and living become a struggle. Especially because thephysical body is involved, one can very easily feel that they are being used bysomeone.


If it was just money,if it was just a house, there is some settlement, “Okay, you use that part ofthe house, I will use this part of the house.” “You cook, I will earn.” Butbecause the body is involved, very easily one will feel used, so there isconflict.


The Solution


Q: So what is thesolution?


Sadhguru:You shouldstop being a man or woman all the time.You don’t have tocarry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day. There arecertain situations in certain aspects of life where you need to bea man or a woman. The rest of the time, you do not have to beeither. But societies have trained you to be like this all the time. From thevery clothes that you wear and the way you do everything – you have beentrained in a certain way, to serve a certain purpose.

萨古鲁: 你应该停止一直做所谓的男人或女人。你不必一天24小时都带着你的男子气概或女子气概。在生活的某些方面,你需要成为一个男人或女人。剩下的时间里,不必如此。但是社会一直在训练你成为这样的男人或女人。从你穿的衣服和你做任何事情的方式,你已经接受了某种训练,以达到某种目的。

Once you become likethis —24 hours man or 24 hours woman – you are troubled.But if you know how to simply be a piece of life, you will be fine; and whenthere is a requirement that you have to be a man or woman, youcan play your role pretty well. So please save it. Don’t just go on spreadingit around in the street. Just walk and live as a piece of life. If you are likethis, there will be no conflict. It will be just fine. Two human beingscan live together.


Youshould stop being a man or woman all the time. You don’thave to carry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day.


“Man and woman”are two compulsions. Two compulsions can never live together. The moreidentified you are with your sexuality, the more compulsive you will become.When you are compulsive, naturally you will step over manypeople. Once you start stepping on each other, there will be trouble. Ifyou do not identify yourself too much with your womanhood or manhoodand if you just walk as a piece of life, you will see that it is such a minorpart of your life. You do not have to structure your life around it. Somuch of your potential would find expression if you just do not get tooidentified with your sexuality. People would become so much more creative andso much more capable of various things that they have not imagined.